Time is Ticking

Time is ticking fast.
Every tick of a second is valuable to me.

Each day I wake up from sleep, the first question that pops up in my mind is.
"Am I ready for the marriage?"

Then the next question.
"God, I'm still fat!"

Then the next statement.
"No Food for me up till end of June!"

I'm unlike myself nowadays. . .I don't put on make up everyday. . . I shower and exfoliate once I'm back . . . Then I moisturize my whole body(the hands, the legs, the neck, the back, the front) and then I put on my facial mask while watching tv. . .

Honestly not everyday but at least once every 2 days. . . In the past I did it like once every 2 weeks. . .

God, the extra mile I have to go. . . is really pain the ass. . .
But once I'm done with all these, there's a sence of accomplishment and it's really relaxing. . . Cos most of the time if i'm still awake and other than anything else I do except working. . . I feel very depressed. . . Although it's not shown on my face. . .

But if you know me very well you would know that I'm feeling a little down. . . probably a hint. . . I carry large eyebags nowadays. . .the phentermine I'm taking now causes sleepless nights. . . but I guess these are the things you have to do to look good. . .

Since, I'm oh-so-busy these few days at work. . . I can't afford the time at all to go to the gym. . . these few days. . . so phentermine sure helps. . .

Anyways gotta go. . . one more hour to home sweet home. . .

The Wedding

It's all coming in to me as a rush and I'm taking quite some time to swallow, digest and accept it all at one go.

Of course I'm happy that finally I'm taking the BIG STEP, but honestly it's all just so rush-rush.

At the moment I can't even spare the time to think about it as all my time is filled up with preparing for lots and lots of stuff and doing things that needs to be done.

Thank God for Mum's been really helping me with a lot of things. . .
She have already booked the podium, downstairs.
Met up with the caterer and paid the deposit.
Confirmed the mak andam for the nikah date.
Ordered and paid deposit for the berkats.
and she have done Oh-So-Many-Things. . . I'm glad she's my MUM. . .

Michelle and Auntie is helping me with the Sound System.
Kak Ita is helping me check out the price ranges since I am to be married at the mosque.

Wow. . . that's a 1001 burdens off my shoulder. . .

This is the family I'm grateful for.

I'm left with helping out financially and getting myself ready for this BIG EVENT.

I'm a little scared and nervous and when I sit all alone by myself I cry. . . I sometimes would even cry myself to sleep. . . I'm just a little fickle-minded. . .

But at times like this, with the wedding all rushy-rushy. . . People look at me differently as if concerned but honestly just wanting to laugh or spread un-true rumours about myself should their guess turns out true. . .

I feel pressured for the very fact that I don't have time to think about myself. . .
I don't get to decide it by myself and decisions made are highly influenced by the guest I'm expecting and mostly not to hurt the feelings of many close ones. . .

If any are wondering, I will gladly clear the rumours.
No. 1 I'm not pregnant.
I'm sure all are dying to find out. That's definitely not a reason why I'm to be married this March.

If any of you have forgotten, Mr Fiance's Mom passed on last December.
The house have been left empty and definitely too quiet.
Mr Fiance's family have their reasons to why they're requesting for the early marriage and I'm at no liberty whatsoever to tell it to anybody. My lips are sealed.

I agreed to the wedding.

My Life

Dear Diary,

It's too soon. . . Too soon I don't really know what to say, what to do. . . I'm putting a brave front but God knows I'm crying in the inside. . . I may be married this March. . .

Sincerely,
Melissa